Too Many Choices and Too Little Clarity

Last year, I shared a LinkedIn post about joy—how we often believe that as we grow up, we feel less joy, and how crucial it is to actively add more joy into our lives. I received several questions asking for tips on how to do that: How do we add more joy to life? Surprisingly, I didn’t have a ready answer.

It’s not because I don’t know how to add joy, but because I realized that whatever general tips I share may not resonate deeply. This led me to a sudden realization: at a certain point in our lives, and depending on our level of maturity, generic advice just doesn’t suffice anymore. These days, it’s easy to get overwhelmed with general advice—“Stay positive,” “Work hard,” “Don’t give up,” “Be brave.” The list goes on. But the real issue that creates an inner void, a sense of conflict within ourselves, isn’t the lack of advice. It’s the lack of alignment (if you haven’t yet, see my blog from last week).

The Struggle with Generic Advice

We live in a world flooded with well-intentioned advice. From social media to self-help books, there’s no shortage of motivational quotes and success stories telling us to stay positive, work harder, and never give up. But what happens when you do all of that, and you still feel empty? What happens when you follow all the “right” steps—get a degree, land a good job, climb the corporate ladder—and yet, something feels off?

This is the internal conflict many people face. They’re doing everything they’ve been told would lead to happiness and success, yet they feel disconnected, unfulfilled, and sometimes even lost. The problem isn’t that they aren’t working hard enough or that they aren’t motivated. The problem is that they’re following a path that doesn’t align with their true values or life mission.

Surface Success vs. Inner Fulfillment

Let’s talk about the difference between surface success and inner fulfillment. Surface success is what the world sees—getting a promotion, earning a higher salary, working for a prestigious company. These are tangible achievements that society often celebrates. But what if these accomplishments don’t resonate with your core values? What if, despite your success, you still feel a gnawing sense of dissatisfaction?

Inner fulfillment, on the other hand, comes from living a life that’s aligned with your values and life mission. It’s about doing work that not only pays the bills but also feeds your soul. It’s about making choices that reflect who you truly are, rather than who you think you’re supposed to be. When your life is in alignment, even challenges can feel meaningful because you know you’re on the right path.

Imagine this: A house is beautifully built on the surface, with fresh paint that’s regularly updated. The house looks great, and there are always people lined up to repaint it. But underneath, the house was built on a slope. No matter how nice it looks, it’s doomed to face impact or even collapse eventually.

Many of us are funneled into a model of life: go to school, get a job, retire. Under stress and pressure, we often focus on the immediate things—how to quickly get a job, a job that fits our degree, a job that a friend can refer us to, or a job that pays better than the last. But in doing so, we might forget to ask ourselves: What are my values in life? What is my unique life mission? Without those answers, anything we build on top is like constructing a house on unstable ground—eventually, it will collapse.

Without that solid foundation, any remedy you apply to feelings of boredom or friction simply won’t work. In fact, it might make things worse. It might make you think that nothing can help, that life is supposed to be hard, and that there’s no escape.

I left my job after months of reflecting on my values and defining what I want my life mission to be. That doesn’t mean my life is easier now; in fact, over the last month, I’ve often found myself navigating through a tunnel. But I’m okay with that because I don’t feel any friction with what I’m doing. I know it’s supposed to be challenging—the good kind of challenging—because I’m ecstatic when I see the light at the end of the tunnel. And then the cycle continues: another tunnel, another light at the end. I love the journey I’m on.

The Real Key to Joy: Alignment

So, to the friends who asked me for tips on adding more joy to life, I would say this: spend time in reflection. Sit down with yourself and really think about what you value (e.g., creativity, connection, stability, growth, challenge, inner peace) and what your life mission is (e.g., “My mission is to be the best version of myself,” “My mission is to provide stability to the family,” “My mission is to make a dent in this world”).

If creativity is one of your core values, it can show up in various ways, such as finding innovative solutions at work, pursuing artistic hobbies, or approaching everyday challenges with a fresh perspective. Understanding how your values manifest in your daily life can provide clarity and help you align your actions with your true self.

When you feel friction in your life, it’s often because you don’t have enough clarity on those aspects. Without alignment, no amount of external success will fill the void. But with it, even the most challenging paths can lead to a deep sense of fulfillment and joy.

Practical Reflection Techniques for Finding Alignment

This isn’t a quick fix, so keep that in mind. Realigning with your true values and life mission is a journey that takes time and patience. Here’s how you can start:

1. Start a Journal:
Begin by documenting your thoughts daily. Focus particularly on events or situations that evoke strong emotions—whether they bring you joy or frustration. These extremes in your feelings can reveal a lot about what truly matters to you. Dive deep into the specifics of what happened and how you felt. Continue this practice consistently for the next month, and then take the time to review your entries. Look for any recurring themes or patterns that emerge. These themes might offer valuable insights into your core values and areas of your life that need realignment.

2. Practice Daily Meditation:
Set aside time at the beginning of your day or before going to bed for meditation. Even just 10 minutes a day can make a significant difference. When I started meditating, it was hard—my mind kept wandering. And that’s okay. It’s normal for your mind to resist at first. But once meditation becomes a habit, you’ll find your zen. Over time, your true self will begin to show up more clearly. Meditation helps clear your mind of the clutter and noise, making room for your authentic voice to come through. This practice will help you connect more deeply with your inner self, making it easier to recognize what aligns with your values and what doesn’t.